Couples Therapy
Have you been feeling stuck with your partner?
Do you feel more distant or disconnected from your partner or have you noticed your partner being distant or disconnected from you?
Do you feel like you cannot talk to your partner, even if you used to be able to in the past?
Has there been new challenges that have came up in your relationship that you feel like you need to work on?
Do you seek support from your partner and find yourself not being validated by your partner?
Whether you are trying to reconnect with your partner, work on a not-so-productive communication pattern, or trying to explore new intimate experiences together, relationship therapy can be a safe, clinical space for you and your partner to accomplish what you are trying to accomplish. Studies have suggested that relationship satisfaction can decrease in young adults from age 20 to 40 and increase up to age 65. Every relationship has its own pattern or dance that inevitably results as a conflict of differences that each partner has. Couples therapy can help become aware of this pattern before it spirals into an everlasting dance.
Have a question? Reach out to us!
Understanding Common Relationship Challenges
According to relationship experts, over 50% of conflicts in relationships consist of endless, unresolvable issues, and over 50% of new parents experience a significant decline in relationship satisfaction during the first three years of a child’s life.
Communication and Conflict
Most couples experience conflict as a result of communication differences. Though you may be able to communicate just fine with friends or family, it can be challenging when you have to confront your partner when they made you feel some type of way. Some individuals can get defensive, stonewall, or start to criticize when you are trying to communicate your feelings, and this can make resolving “little” issues seem like a never-ending task.
Intimacy, Connection, and Trust
Over time, the initial spark of a relationship can fade, and couples may find it challenging to maintain intimacy and emotional connection. In fact, many research has shown that relationships tend to have periods of disconnection and dissatisfaction as the relationship progresses. However, sometimes certain situations occur that can make a partner feel resentful or disrespected—like infidelity or cheating. It is important to note that sexual desire, interests, and behaviors change as we age, and this is something that can still have shame or taboo associated with it.
Financial Stress
Money can be a significant source of conflict in relationships, especially when partners have different financial priorities and habits. As your relationship progresses, it is possible that your finances may not be what they were at an earlier part of your relationship—and that matters! Differences in financial situations can affect conflict from arising, and it can be difficult navigating your relationship and your own goals outside of the relationship. In addition, prices of rent, taxes, food, gas, and overall living has drastically increased for many, and many people are reporting finding it difficult to find housing they can afford.
Maintaining Your Own Sense of Autonomy
Some studies have suggested that over 75% of Americans exhibit signs of codependent behavior, and it can be difficult over time trying to maintain your own sense of self and autonomy—especially if you’re living with your partner. Research has also shown that rates of cohabitation are high in non-marital relationships, especially with increasing living costs. While every relationship has its own patterns that can be improved, each partner should focus on their own self care and rituals as well. It can be difficult for some couples to find a healthy balance of investing in their relationship while investing in themselves as well.
It's important to recognize that these issues are common, and many couples face them at some point in their journey together. Seeking help from a couples therapist is a courageous step toward addressing these challenges and finding solutions together. Couples therapy can help bring awareness to communication patterns and differences from an observer point-of-view and allow you and your partner to rehearse healthier communication patterns in front of a trained clinician. A couples therapist is not a referee to simply choose sides—they are a trained, clinician that analyzes issues and conflict from an outside, observer point-of-view and provides awareness of patterns that can be improved on.
How Couples Therapy Can Help
Couples therapy can help reconnect you and your partner in a safe space that allows each of you to communicate what you need most from each other. Starting relationship and marriage counseling is more than an attempt to solve certain issues that you may be experiencing, but rather an opportunity to work through issues together as a team. Your therapist is not concerned about placing blame on one another or who’s “right” or “wrong.” Your therapist will assist on deepening your understanding and healing as individuals and as a couple.
Your therapist will meet with you and your partner individually at first to gain a sense of what concerns or issues are most important to you, and then schedule a session with you, your partner, and the therapist to discuss a game plan on how couples therapy can help you and your partner. Your therapist will create a plan specific on what you and your partner want to work on and help you and your partner set any boundaries throughout the therapeutic process. In couples therapy, there are no secrets—so you do no need to worry about your therapist keeping something secret from you that your partner may have said.
Our couples therapists are trained to help you and your partner have facilitated conflict resolution skills that do not result to fighting. Your therapist is not here to validate who is “right” or “wrong,” rather, your therapist will help you and your partner understand the root of your conflict while avoiding shame, placing blame, or escalating.
Have a question? Reach out to us below!
Common Questions About Couples Therapy
I haven’t told my partner I have been thinking about couples therapy. Do I need to tell them before scheduling?
Yes, in order to schedule an appointment for couples therapy, the therapist may want to meet with you and your partner individually before seeing you together. If you are unsure how your partner may react to the idea of couples therapy, sometimes scheduling an individual session for yourself and inviting your partner into the session may be appropriate to assist with communicating to your partner that you are interested in couples therapy.
Can my partner and I do couples therapy virtually?
For the most part, it is best practice to conduct couples therapy in the same physical space, in person, with all partners, however, there may be times when your therapist deems telehealth appropriate for the couples therapy. If in-person sessions are not ideal or realistic for you and your partner, reach out to us to see if virtual couples therapy can be an option for you.
My partner verbalized that they are done with the relationship or are not interested in couples therapy. Can couples therapy help us?
Long story short—probably not. Some research has shown that most couples come to couples therapy when the relationship is past the point of repair, and a part of couples therapy is to assess this at the very beginning. If one (or more) partner(s) is done with the relationship and not willing to put the work in, then there technically is no “relationship” or “couple” for the therapy to be done on. Sometimes, couples therapy is coming to the understanding that the relationship is simply past the point of repair or coming to the conclusion of a dissolution, and couples therapy can assist in an amicable separation. Typically, in these cases, the therapist may recommended individual therapy for one partner or all partners.
However, if both people in the relationship are willing to put in the work and engage in couples therapy, then couples therapy can be a start to help you and your partner work better together.
Why are couples therapy sessions longer than individual sessions?
Simply put, that’s just what the research tells us is the best practice for effective couples therapy. In order for couples therapy to provide enough space to be able to work through issues and conflict, there needs to be enough time for each partner to be able to communicate their issues, to respond to each other after communicating their issues, to practice conflict resolution guided by the therapist. In other words, there needs to be enough time to role model how you and your partner communicate in front of the therapist and time for you and your partner to apply a different approach guided by a trained clinician.
If you are thinking about couples therapy for you and your partner(s), contact us today to schedule your free, 15-minute consultation. We’re here to help.
